For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
