WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
