You can't special order awesome
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Found your dick twin last night
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
