If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
