dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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