Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Where is the hickey?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
