my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
