I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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