Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
