For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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