Joe is yelling at the trees again.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
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i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
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