there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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