I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
