Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
