he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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