Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
