Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
