i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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