we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
