My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
