i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Randomize
