I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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