I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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