you would pick up someone in the library
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
