I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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