Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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