so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
