I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
cat food counts as protein by the way
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
