Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I just found a bag of teeth...
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
