I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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