she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
