I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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