my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
