I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
