Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
