I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
