how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
