i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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