tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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