Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
