so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
