I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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