I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Randomize
