Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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