your thong is hanging out like whoa
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
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then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
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and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Randomize