UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
