I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
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As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
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In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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