thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
