fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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