yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Randomize
