today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
