i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
