dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
