I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
