You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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