I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
