I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
