He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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