Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
