You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
you will always have a special place in my vag
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
