They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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