You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
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Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
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Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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