i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Let's paint friendship bongs
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize