so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
