I'm passing your future prison.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
