I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
