so let's talk penis.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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