I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
