so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
