How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
