Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
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