I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
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Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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