I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
